Justice in Pike's Basin/dialogues

(Marshal Leigh Johnson trying the telephone)

Leigh: Hello? Hello? This is Armadillo 731. What is it with these things? Hello? It's a new line. Hello? Hello?

Marston: Sounds fun. What's happening?

Leigh: I have no idea. If it's important, they'll send someone down like they did with you.

Marston: Suddenly, the world is fully of "Theys".

Leigh: I remember, when we first got here, we used to consider people from Dade County to be exotic. Now guys can get here from the Midwest and they can do six days.

Marston: Things have changed.

Leigh: They've gotten away from me. Hello? I don't understand it no more, boy. Honest to goodness.

Marston: I'm not sure I do.

(Eli runs in telling Leigh)

Eli: Marshal! Marshal! Marshal! I just been up at the canyon, spying like you said. I think I seen me a couple of them rustlers. I think it was the Bollard Twins and a couple of Mexicans.

Leigh: They up there right now?

Eli: Well, it was a group of four men rounding up Mr. Gulch's livestock and none of them looked like Mr. Gulch's hands, so yes, sir. Right now.

Leigh: That sarcasm's most unbecoming, Eli. It's going to hold you back in life worse than your lazy eye. Alright, let's go. You ride with us again, Marston?

Marston: Will you help me?

Leigh: I will try.

Marston: Then it would be my pleasure.

Leigh: How long you been workin' for the government, Marston?

Marston: I don't work for the government.

Leigh: Well, I got a telegram from some federal clowns in Blackwater that says otherwise.

Eli: Are you some kind of vigilante?

Jonah: You don't look like no government boy.

Marston: I guess it's complicated. I came because it was made impossible for me not to.

Jonah: You sure are a tight-lipped son-of-a-bitch, mister.

Marston: I guess I am. I ain't gonna dig this hole no deeper.

Jonah: Ain't you all proud and superior? Don't forget you need us more than we need you. Bill Williamson folded you up like an empty purse last time, if I remember correctly.

Leigh: Simmer down, Jonah.

Marston: Listen to your boss, Jonah, there's a good boy. Otherwise, I'll put a hole in your hillbilly head and watch your tiny brain run out.

Leigh: I'll be honest with you, Marston. I ain't for all this government interference.

Marston: Believe me, Marshal, neither am I.

Leigh: I try to keep the federal boys happy. I mean, we need all the help we can get, but what does a flannel-mouthed city boy who's never forked a bale of hay in his life know about a state like New Austin?

Jonah: Nothin', I reckon.

Leigh: All this Manifest Destiny hogwash. Taming of wild lands. We're nearly there. Keep your eyes out for the Bollards. Everybody dismount and follow me. Be ready, boys. We're probably going to be outnumbered.

Eli: And those bastards ain't short on firepower neither. Let's see how many there are.

Leigh: If we can take 'em alive, good; if not, smoke the sons-a-bitches.

Jonah: Music to my ears, Marshal.

(They find snipers on top of a rock)

Leigh: Damn! Those bastards were waitin' for us.

(They take them out)

Leigh: Let's split up. You take the left, boys. I'll go right. Marston, you can go with the deputies or cover me.

(Marston joins with Marshal Leigh Johnson)

Leigh: Me and you again, Marston. Let's hope this goes as well as last time.

Leigh: Good shootin', Marston. Looks like there some ammunition lying about, if you need it. I'll meet you up the ridge.

(Marston rejoins with them)

Leigh: Let's go. Be careful. I think I spotted some snipers.

(They take out the snipers and arrive near the canyon rim)

Leigh: This looks as good a spot as any. Gather 'round, listen up. Let's try to sneak up on them. The closer we are, the less chance they have of makin' a run for it.

(The bandits are killed and heads to the Ranch hands)

Ranch Hand 1: Thank you, Marshal. We're indebted to you with our lives.

Leigh: Just get them cattle back safe.

Ranch Hand 2: Alright. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Leigh: Well done, Mr. Marston.

Eli: Yes, well done.

Marston: Now, about Williamson.

Leigh: I'll do what I can. You know, as you can see, this country is infested with all manner of scum.

Marston: You can say that again.

Eli: One other thing, Marshal. Mr. Johnson, sir, it's Mr. West Dickens. He's missing.

Leigh: Who?

Eli: Mr. West Dickens, the tonics merchant. He was due in town last week.

Leigh: Oh, the narcotic and bat piss salesman who cons housewives out of their money with promises of eternal youth.

Eli: Yes, him, but I think you're being a little unfair...he's helped a great many of the county and many of the townsfolk are really missing him.

Leigh: Ya hear that, Marston? We just butchered a gang of thieves and the town is up in arms about a missing snake oil salesman? I'm so glad to be serving such a wise and respectable people. Come on, Eli.