Hey, so I’m writing a short story that take heavy inspiration from red dead, and I was wondering if you guys could give me some tips on what doesn’t sound very good. (I haven’t decided on the MC’s name yet)
Story |
V
Faint voices increased in volume as Mr. #### continued down the short path. Arriving at the end of the walk and peering around the corner to see two men arguing over some dispute Mr. #### hid against the corner’s wall to listen to their conversation. On the left was a rather heavy and short man with brown hair and a gray mask. On the right was a taller man with short, curly, dirty-blonde hair.
“…but you said that you had a place for us to lie low!” The man on the left yelled.
“Be quiet Neil! I gots a place for us just shut up!”
“Well what are we gonna do with all this?” Neil gestured to three bags beside them. The bags read “Bank of Milcreek, State of West Lanaha”
“It’s gonna be fine Neil! Now shut it!
“Oh, come on! First you rope me into this, then you botch the job, and now I’ve got the law on me—“
“Hey!” The man grabbed Neil by the shoulder, “I did not botch this job! I did not rope you into this! And, yes, we may have the law on us, but all that matters is that we got the money!” The man yelled.
“You are a sad man Mr. Ryder.”
“And you are a fool Mr. Neil!”
In the heat of the argument the pair han’t noticed Mr. #### stepping out infront of them from across the short backyard they were situated in. Mr. #### raised his .45 Schofeild revolver high into the air and fired. Immedietly catching to duos attention, the bang echoed and echoed throughout the small town.
