I was wrong. I don't want a red lightsaber. I want my beloved Giovanna back :(

Who even is Giovanna?

The woman I loved and who loved me.

Ok? What happend?

can you believe it guys? christmas! just a day away!

@Blixtkatt10

We broke up a few weeks ago. I miss her like I've never missed anyone else. She's been keeping me up at night, in my thoughts all the time, and suffocating my heart. At first, I felt like I could overcome the sadness and anguish I was feeling over our separation, and for a while, I was fine. She no longer kept me up at night and all that, but I ended up finding a hair tie and a love letter she had given me. At that moment when I picked up and opened the letter, already knowing that I would suffer reading it, all the time we spent together came back to me like lightning bolts cutting through the sky.

Giovanna is the best of women, and this image I have built about her is the main reason I avoid sending her a message telling her about the pain and anguish I am feeling. I knew her so well, but now I don't know what is going on in her head. I am afraid to send her a message telling her about my pain and make a fool of myself. Has she gotten over the breakup? Will she think I am ridiculous and laugh at me for being stuck in the love I felt for her? I hate Giovanna for this being in my head. It was not her fault, nor mine, nor anyone else's that things ended the way they did. Giovanna broke my heart, and I hope I broke hers in revenge.

It’s hell not being able to text her. Now, I realize in a different way how important and good she was to me. It’s heartbreaking and brain-wracking when I unlock my phone and see that there are no messages from Giovanna. If she ever reads the letter I wrote to her, I hope I’m not with her. If the opportunity to resume my relationship with her ever comes up, I hope I’ve coldly refused. I’m a fool for wanting that. But understand that I don’t care about Giovanna anymore and this is my defense mechanism for my heart and, perhaps, my mind. She took away my sleep and is taking it away from me again. That morning, when I unlocked my phone and saw her message starting with “[my name]…”, I knew something was wrong because she never started a text or conversation with my name. Never. And I resent that. The way she described the reasons why she was breaking up with me sounded to me like I had destroyed her life, and that haunted me for a while.

Still, whether her story is real or not, because now I really don't know, I hope to meet her again someday, but to dump her soon after. Now, I see that Giovanna was the supposed woman of my life. But I still think she broke up with me because she was tired of me. If that was the case, I really hope to reject her in the not-too-distant future. She is perfect: intelligent, beautiful, funny, interesting, nice, kind-hearted and more character and brains than most of the people I surround myself with in my life today. I hope Giovanna stays like this, because she is perfect. Her hugs, even though we hugged in a strange way, were very comforting and loving. It really warmed my heart and made me smile just thinking about her. Holding her hand was a feeling that I can't describe in words.

At first, when we were just classmates, I was romantically interested in her friend. I'll never know how, because I deleted her messages from my phone and from my group notes to get rid of the memories of Giovanna with me, but she proved to be more interesting and ended up winning my heart, soul, and mind. I wasn't automatically interested in her. We had to talk a lot for me to realize how good a person she was for my heart to start beating. Giovanna. That name will always be in my head. She is so beautiful, so… gorgeous. Her smile was so good to look at, and it still is, even though I can only imagine it now. Even with everything I've written here, I still long to feel her skin on mine again, and I hope I'm not being weird by writing this.

She is the woman I want in my life and I feel so much regret, hatred, and fear when I think that she will be the woman of another man's life. I hate her for that. Giovanna is the love of my life. But after a recent conversation with someone, I realized that my love for her was not as genuine as I thought. I truly loved her, but I only started loving her when I saw that she was the best option. That sounds like a bad thing, but I'm not sure if it is entirely bad. She was my best option and that is why I chose her, but it is also good that she is the best option. This shows, as I have said to her many times, that she is different from other women. Giovanna has character and brains, something that almost no one has in this era. Yes, I selected her because she met my demands, but I really loved her. Much more than her meeting my demands, I really loved Giovanna.

Now, Giovanna is the woman I may never have again, but I am grateful for the memories I have with her. I hate her for putting me through this, even though I don't know if she is going through the same thing, but apparently she is fine, while I am in distress. Either way, I hope she is okay.

Damn, i dont know what to say

Apparently, she spent Christmas with another guy, so I take back everything good I said about her.

crazy

Schrödinger's ex