John Marston/Quotes

These are quotations by or related to John Marston.

Story

• "It's wanting that gets so many folks in trouble..." (John to Bonnie MacFarlane)
• "Some trees flourish, others die. Some cattle grow strong, others are taken by wolves. Some men are born rich enough and dumb enough to enjoy their lives. Ain't nothing fair. You know that." (One of his first conversations he had with Abigail at Beecher's Hope)
• (Last words) "Ain't no trouble Abigail. Ain't no trouble. I love you. Now go. Git."
• "I have a son at home and a daughter in heaven." (John to Luisa in Father Abraham)
• "They told us there was a prize when you got to fifty." (After being berated by Edgar Ross over having robbed fourty banks in his earlier years)
• "My side ain't chosen. My side was given."
• (After Jack tells him about airplanes, right before the assault on Beecher's Hope). "One of them machines can turn men into angels..."
• "I just know that there are two theories when arguing with women. And neither one works." (To Bonnie MacFarlane)
• "It ain't no secret I didn't get these scars falling over in church."
• "I left the gang after the gang left me."
• "I'm many things, most of 'em bad. But a man of political principles? No." (To Landon Ricketts)
• "Men are born, and then they're formed." (John to Marshal Johnson)
• "People don't forget. Nothing gets forgiven." (To Bonnie MacFarlane)
• "Listen to your boss Jonah, there's a good boy. Otherwise I'll put a hole in your hillbilly head and watch your tiny brain drain out."
• "That dog ain't too bright, but he seems loyal."
• "I think there's some schoolchildren down the way you can go and frighten." (To Jonah)
• "You want me to shoot you in the head right now for that poor girl?" (To Raul Zubieta)
• "I hear you speak and suddenly I'm reminded of how the people I respected most in my life had a problem with authority."
• "You and West Dickens are so crooked you could swallow nails and spit out corkscrews."
• "My name is John Marston. You wanted to speak to me"
• "I'm here to capture or kill Bill Williamson."
• "Now, if you don't mind I'd hate to spoil such a beautiful afternoon on such beautiful land with any further unpleasantries."
• "I, too, have a family, friend. And so that we may see our familes again I suggest we part ways ammicably."
• "I hate to take money from a lady, Miss..."
• "You always got a plan, Dutch."
• "Then just give up, Dutch!"
• "(To Alwyn Lloyd) When a man with a singsong voice tells me to fuck off, it ALWAYS concerns me, boyo.
• "Those sons of bitches would steal a coin off a dead man's eye." (To Bonnie & Drew MacFarlane regarding the Federal Goverment)
• "If you ever find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'."
• "I'll give you a bad case of someone just shot me in the head if you don't hurry up." (To Uncle)
• (To Javier Escuella in The Gates of El Presidio) "Now I ain't the judge, but...as it turns out, it's you or me. The way I see it, might as well be you."
• "Finally! Now about that stew..." (After completing "Pestilence")
• "So it would seem." (Numerous times)
• "You'll be the first to know when I kill you, I promise." (To Abraham Reyes)
• "I've met some sick bastards in my life, Seth, but you... you're special."
• "Irish, I've met enough men like you to last me a lifetime!"
• "I'll see what I can do." (Numerous times)
• "It reeks of miricles back here!" (To West Dickens)
• (To Uncle) "But you're as usless as a lawyer at a lynching. Damn you old man this is my son! If anything happens to him you'll wish it was you that bear attacked!"
• "If you win power remember why you wanted it". (To Abraham Reyes)
• "I'm going to hand you over to them and watch them tear you limb from limb....I'm just kidding" (To Professor MacDougal)
• "Of course my angel" (To Abigail)
• "Be honest though, it tastes bad enough to kill a man." (About Abigail's cooking)
• "Do you want me to take out a gun and blow a fucking hole in your head, right here, right now?!" (To Archer Fordham)
• "Don't be too eager to grow up. It ain't as much fun as it looks" (To Jack)
• "It's not here! That lying sack of shit!" (After completing A Frenchman, a Welshman and an Irishman)
• (Talking about Jack) "He ain't gonna to be no frontier gunslinger, killing and running in no gang though. That way's over. Railroads and government and motor cars and everything gone and done away with all of that."
• (Upon seeing Abigail) "Oh darling. I never thought I'd see this day again."
• "I'm a semi-literate farmer. I ain't in the power game." (To Abraham Reyes)

Skinning

• "I can sell this."
• "This'll fetch a good price."
• "Oh Lord. This is nasty."
• "Lie still." *chuckles*
• "Ugh. What were you eating?"
• "This stinks"
• "Ugh. You stink!"
• "C´mon, let´s get this over with!"
• "Tough one, ain't ya?"
• "This is dirty..."
• "Let's make this quick."
• "You stink!"
• "This is a messy one."

Riding

• "Faster!"
• "Easy up, now."
• "Slooow up."
• "C´mon!"
• "Let's go!"
• "Easy"
• "Heeey"
• "Yaaa"
• "Slow on up, now."
• "Go!"

Shopping/Selling

• "Hey there."
• "Hello, friend."
• "That's all I have/got."
• "Nice doing business with you"
• "I'll bring more next time."
• "Why do I feel like I just got robbed?"
• "I dont know how you get away with these prices, mister."
• "That's what I've got for sale."
• "I'll be back for more next time I pass through."
• "That's what I need."
• "You just got a bargain right there."

Transporting victims

• "You comfortable?"
• "You get the smelly end."
• "Shut up and no annoying the horse."
• "Ugh. What have you been eating?"
• "Try not to fall off!"
• "Don't annoy me!"
• "I'll ride slow, don't worry."
• "Relax, or die."

Looting Bodies

• (Looting innocent) "What am I doing?"
• (Looting female) "I'm sorry, ma'am."
• (Looting female) "If you were alive, this'd be considered adultery."
• (Looting outlaw or lawman) "To the victor, the spoils."
• (Looting outlaw or lawman) "You won't be needin' this anymore."
• (Looting anyone) "This ain't nice, I know."
• (Looting anyone) "Sorry, friend."
• (Looting anyone) "If it ain't me, it's someone else."
• (Looting anyone) "Can I have this?"
• (Looting male) "Excuse me partner, I ain't gettin' fresh."
• (Looting male) "My apologies, mister"
• (Looting a victim) "First they shoot you then they rob you. *chuckles* Great country."
• (Looting outlaw) "Mind if I borrow this friend?"
• (Looting anyone) "First killed and now robbed, this truly ain't your day friend." (Something like that...)
• (Looting anyone) "Someone should have this."
• (Looting male) "What you got on you, friend?"
• (Looting male) "What can I say partner?"

Misc

• (While wielding knife at oncoming enemy) "You're gonna drown in your own blood!"
• (While wielding knife at oncoming enemy) "I hope you bleed good!"
• (Shooting an innocent) "Well, that rules heaven out."
• (Saving man from wild animals) "We all have problems, and we must solve them together or we die alone."
• (Usually in heavy combat) "MY NAME'S JOHN MARSTON, FRIEND!"
• (While firing a Gatling Gun) "THIS IS THE FUTURE!!!"
• "People don't forget. Nothing gets forgiven."
• "Hola, Señor. Sorry, no hablo espanol."
• (When prostitute asks you to join them) "Sorry, those days are over."
• (When prostitute asks you to join them) "Unfortunately, I'm married."
• (When prostitute asks you to join them) "I'm a married man."
• (When prostitute asks you to join them) "Haha, I don´t think so!"
• (When prostitute asks you to join them) "Ha, my wife would kill me."
• (When prostitute asks you to join them) "Damn, you ugly."
• (When prostitute asks you to join them) "Sorry, I ain't that kind of feller no more."
• (When prostitute asks you to join them) "I don't think my dear wife would appreciate that."
• (When someone stands during blackjack) "Do you piss sittin' down?"
• (While playing poker) "Give me a real card now"
• (While playing poker) "It´s all coming back to me now."
• (While playing poker) "Make sure you deal from the top."
• (While playing poker) "Who invited the lady?"
• (While playing poker) "Easy there, Cowboy"
• (While playing poker) "I'll check"
• (While playing poker) "Check"
• (While playing poker) "You born chicken or you just lost your balls?"
• (While playing poker) "Do you do your own laundry as well?"
• (While playing poker) "Now we got ourselves a game."
• (While playing poker) "Big spender."
• (While playing poker) "Fold"
• (While playing poker) "Give me some decent this time"
• (While playing poker) "Well played , Sir"
• (While playing poker) "Damn!"
• (While playing poker) "Boring"
• (While playing poker) "All-In!"
• (While playing poker) "Let's make this interesting"
• (While playing poker) "I think I'm gonna call"
• (While playing poker) "Sure, I bet"
• (While playing poker) "I call"
• (While playing poker) "Ah, comone!"
• (While playing poker) "No thanks"
• (While playing poker) "I'm gonna fold"
• (While playing poker) "You better give me a real card"
• (While playing poker) "All ready?"
• (While playing poker) "Why are these cards sticky?"
• (While playing poker) "Too much for me"
• (While playing poker) "Ain't you aggressive"
• (While playing poker) "Your choice my friend"
• (While playing poker) "He's bluffing"
• (While playing poker) "No, I'm out"
• (While playing poker) "I know your game"
• (While playing poker) "I think I'll raise"
• (While playing poker) "I call that"
• (While playing poker) "I see you wanna play"
• (While playing poker) "Interesting"
• (While playing poker) "It's not funny if you don't have a bet"
• (While playing poker) "I'm calling
• (While playing poker) "Bet"
• (While playing poker) "Hope my luck turns next hand"
• (While playing poker) "I'm done
• (While playing poker) "I'm in"
• (While playing poker) "Okay, i play some bet"
• (While playing poker) "Ain't you mighty angry, partner"
• (While playing Liar's Dice) *sniffs* "I smell bullshit. Bluff."
• (While playing Liar's Dice) "Interesting... I wonder..."
• (While playing Liar's Dice) "Are you a bullshitter I wonder?"
• (While playing Liar's Dice) "I saw your eyebrow twitch!"
• (While playing Liar's Dice) "I'm not a bullshitter, amigo."
• (While playing Liar's Dice) "Are you full of shit, I wonder?"
• (While playing Liar's Dice) "Why are you sweatin'?"
• (While playing Five Finger Fillet) "Okay, money is down, mister"
• (While playing Five Finger Fillet) "This gonna be easier I thought"
• (While playing Five Finger Fillet) "Good, but not good enough"
• (While playing Five Finger Fillet) "and you even didn't lose a finger"
• (While playing Five Finger Fillet) "Not bad"
• (While playing Five Finger Fillet) "I thought we were trying to do this quickly."
• (While playing Horseshoes) "Good throw"
• (While playing Horseshoes) "You're pretty good"
• (While playing Horseshoes) "What was that?!"
• (While playing Horseshoes) "Well thrown"
• (While playing Horseshoes) "That's a beauty"
• (While playing Horseshoes) "Not bad"
• (While playing Horseshoes) "Very nice"
• (While playing Horseshoes) "I'm avaliable for private tutoring"
• (While playing Horseshoes) "Take a look at that throw"
• (While playing Horseshoes) "Well done"
• (While playing Horseshoes) "That's better
• (While playing Horseshoes) "Look at you"
• (While playing Horseshores) "You've done this before!"
• (While breaking a horse) "Oh, shit!"
• (While breaking a horse) "C'mon, baby! C'mon!"
• (After successfully breaking a horse) "See? We're friends now."
• (While playing any table game) "You got any balls in them pants?"
• (When shooting a bird) "There's one for the pot!"
• (When shooting a bird) "Never did like birds."
• (When shooting a bird) "Right on the wing!"
• (When shooting a bird) "That's a kill."
• (When talking to lawman) "That badge ain't a substitute for balls."
• (Shooting a wild animal) "And that makes you mine".
• (Shooting a wild animal) "Sorry about that, old friend."
• (Shooting a wild animal) "Stupid animal!"
• (Shooting a wild animal) "Blame Darwin!"
• (Shooting a bird) "That's better."
• (Shooting a wild horse) "I can blame my childhood for only so long."
• (Shooting a domesticated animal) "I don't know why I did that."
• (Shooting a domesticated animal) "What's wrong with you, Marston?"
• (Shooting a domesticated animal) "Now I'm actin' real crazy."
• (Shooting a domesticated animal) "I really am a sad, sick man."
• (Shooting a domesticated animal) "Someone should shoot me."
• (Shooting a domesticated animal) "Wish I knew why I did this stuff."
• (Shooting a domesticated animal) "Yep... I was right. Didn't feel good."
• (Shooting a domesticated animal-Dog) "Poor dog's probably better off."
• (Shooting a domesticated animal-Dog) "You didn't look too good, boy."
• (After using Dead-Eye) "Well that worked!"
• (After using Dead-Eye) "Looks like I got my eye back!"
• (After using Dead-Eye) "Guess I'll make a gunman after all!"
• (When being shot at) "They surely know where I am."
• (When being shot at) "Stop shooting at me!"
• (When a companion falls behind) "Hurry the hell up!"
• (When shooting at enemies) "My name is John Marston, and you're a dead man!"
• (After killing a Mexican enemy) "Things ain't lookin' bueno!"
• (After killing a Mexican enemy) "Mi nombre es John Marston!"
• (When being shot at) "Christ alive!"
• (When being shot at) "Damn! That one almost got me!"
• (When being shot at) "That one almost gave me a haircut!"
• (When being shot at) "That fella can shoot!"
• (When being shot at) "How'd that one get through!?"
• (Killing someone at a campsite) "Murdered and robbed on the same day"
• (Low Honor) "Bet your Pa wished he'd have pulled out."
• (Low Honor) "Looks like the good Lord got your ass and face mixed up."
• (Low Honor) "Just kill yourself now, do humanity a favor."
• (Low Honor) "Promise me you won't have children, mister."
• (Low Honor) "Take my advice and give up on life, partner."
• (Low Honor, when facing a lawmen) "God help us if you're in charge of this place."
• (Low Honor, when facing a lawmen) "You make me glad to be a criminal."
• (Drunk) "Do you know who John Marston is, 'cause I don't."
• (After being challenged by a hunter to collect pelts) "Alright, but I warn you I'm good."
• (After losing a sharpshooter's challenge) "I wasn't even trying."
• (After winning a sharpshooter's challenge) "Keep trying, you'll get there eventually."
• (After being challenged to a duel) "Someone needs to teach you some respect!"
• (After being challenged to a duel) "Sure I got some time to kill you."
• (After being challenged to a duel) "It'd be my pleasure."
• (After being challenged to a duel) "Sure, It's your funeral"
• (After being challenged to a duel) "I can't refuse a man his dying wish."
• (After being challenged to a duel) "You don't know me, mister."
• (After being challenged to a duel) "Those are big words, my friend."
• (After lassoing a person) "Hi there!"
• (While hogtieing a woman) "Ma'am be quiet!"
• (While hogtieing a person) "Friend, you're screwed."
• (While hogtieing a person) "There ain't a polite word for what you're in!"
• (Lassoing a lawman) "America! Home of the free!"
• (When horse gets stolen) "You think I won't find you?!"
• (After shooting a saddled horse) "Sometimes I feel like a sad, lonely man..."
• (After shooting a saddled horse) "That felt weird."
• (After shooting a saddled horse) "Next time, I'll shoot you instead of your horse."
• (When taming a horse) "You're mine now!"
• (When taming a horse) "Steady!"
• (When taming a horse) "Oh shit!"
• (When taming a horse) "Goddammit!"
• (When taming a horse) "Come on, come on, come on!"
• (When taming a horse) "Ohh No!"
• (When taming a horse) "This don't feel too good!"
• (After taming a horse) "Relax, we're friends now!"
• (Collecting Gold) "Maybe my luck's beginning to turn!"
• (Collecting Gold) "What have we got here?"
• (Collecting Gold) "Maybe there is a God!"
• (Collecting Gold) "Now take a look at that!"
• (Greeting a Mexican person) "Si, hola, buenos... uh... hola."
• (During a gunfight in Mexico) "John Marston, remember the nombre!"
• (During a gunfight in Mexico) "You must be the pendejos I've been hearing about!"
• (During a gunfight in Mexico) "You're all going to be muerto!"
• (During a gunfight in Mexico) "El nombre es John Marston!"
• (After a camp fire story) "I know an old drunk who would love that one."
• (After a camp fire story) "If only it were true."
• (After a camp fire story) "Bet that one changes every time you tell it"
• (Jumping a horse over a cart of hay) YEEEEEEEE HAAAAWWWW!!!!!!!!!
• (With low honor) "Miss, that bosom is proof that there is a god!"
• (When being shot at/attacked by an animal) "Stop that!"
• (When being attacked by an animal) "You damn critter!"
• (Shooting a man attacking a prostitute) "Get off her, you son of a bitch!"
• (Shooting a man attacking a prostitute) "What the hell are you doing?!"
• (After completing Aztec Gold) "That about sums up my luck recently"
• (When returning a stolen horse) 'This look familiar?"
• (Pointing his gun at a man attacking a prostitute) "That's no way to treat a woman!"
• (Pointing his gun at a man attacking a prostitute) "Leave that woman alone!"
• (When responding to a prostitute) "Unfortunately, I've got a wife."
• (When responding to a prostitute) "No thanks. Those days are over."
• (Herding cattle) "Stay together, you dumb animals!"
• (Herding cattle) "Let's move here, my four-legged friends!"
• (Lassoing a man attempting to break in) "Get away from there, you damn pervert!"
• (Retreiving someone's horse) "That thief changed his mind. Here's your horse back."
• (Retreiving someone's horse) "This one's your's partner."
• (Hearding Cattle) "Move!, move!, move!"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "I hate to hit a lady, but I guess I will!"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "Nice mustache by the way!"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "Come on then woman!"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "This ain't no way for a lady to behave."
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "Hit me woman!"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "If my wife could see me now!"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "Let's see what you got, you silly woman!"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "Come on lady!"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "What the hell am I doing here?!"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "Let's go woman!"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "Hit me, witch!"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "Not the most feminine creature are you?"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "I don't like doing this lady!"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "You asked for this lady!"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "You're a fiesty one ain't ya?"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "I feel sorry for your husband!"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "This is gonna hurt you more than me!"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) *Laughs* "You got heart, I'll give you that!"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "Woman, you're gettin' on my nerves now!"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "Let's do this!"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "That's it! I've had it with you!"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "I don't like doing this lady!"
• (When Fistfighting with a woman) "You're a walking, talking, heffer! Now hit me!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) "You got some nerve mister!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) "We playing Marquess of Queensberry rules?"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) "You're going down!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) "I've had about enough of you!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) "You wanna fight friend?!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) "You want a broken nose friend?!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) "Alright...let's finish this!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) " Is this how you want it?!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) " Let's see what you got!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) "Come on tough guy!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) "Come on! Hit me!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) "You sure you're a man friend?!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) "I'm putting you down hard!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) "Who the hell do you think you are?!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) "Time somebody taught you a lesson!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) "Hit me pal! Hit me!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) "Come on! Let's make this quick!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) "Come on! Show me somethin'!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) "This is about to get ugly pal!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) "You messed with the wrong fella!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man) "Say goodnight friend!"
• (When Fistfighting with a man)

Multiplayer

• (General taunt) "You cheered me up, partner. I like a good joke."
• (General taunt) "You are all muerto!"
• (General taunt) "Run away and maybe I won't kill you!"
• (General taunt) "You're like a stomach worm."
• (General taunt) "You're good as dead already!"
• (General taunt) "You look tough, like a chewed up piece of meat."
• (General taunt) "I'm gonna give you something to remember me by."
• (General taunt) "You as slow as you look, friend?"
• (General taunt) "You're finished! You hear me?"
• (General taunt) "Did you think I wouldn't come for ya?!"
• (General taunt) "You look kinda inbred, friend."
• (General taunt) "I'll hunt you to hell and back!"
• (General taunt) "You're gonna die slow, my friend!"
• (General taunt) "Looks like the good Lord got your ass and face mixed up."
• (General taunt) "You couldn't shoot a fart out of your own ass!"
• (General taunt) "You really ain't up to much, are you?"
• (General taunt) "Another coward trying to play it tough."
• (General taunt) "What do you do when you're not pretending to be tough?"
• (General taunt) "Who the hell do you think you are?!"
• (General taunt) "How are you not dead already?"
• (General taunt) "You boys just ain't that tough!"
• (General taunt) "I'm gonna enjoy puttin' a bullet in your head!"
• (General taunt) "You ain't foolin' no one with that act!"
• (General taunt) "Come on! I ain't got all day!"
• (General taunt) "It stinks of coward around here."
• (General taunt) "You think you fools can stop me?!"
• (General taunt) "You look like you're about to fill your pants, friend."
• (General taunt) "I don't think I've ever been less intimidated."
• (General taunt) "Why don't you stop trying to be something you're not?"
• (General taunt) "Don't make this harder than it needs to be!"
• (General taunt) "Don't act like no hero!"
• (General taunt) "I've dropped a hundred fools like you!"
• (General taunt) "Stay and fight me, you coward!"
• (General taunt) "Look at you - acting all hard and tough as butter."
• (General taunt) "You'd best shoot me now or this is over!"
• (General taunt) "Look at you - you're a damn joke!"
• (General taunt) "Think you're some hard case, do you?"
• (General taunt) "I'm thinking one of us has gotta die, friend."
• (General taunt) "Am I supposed to be scared of you or somethin'?"
• (General taunt) "Look at you - damn parasite."
• (General taunt) "Come on! I've seen tougher nursemaids!"
• (General taunt) "Time somebody taught you a lesson!"
• (General taunt) "Stop acting tough, you fool."
• (General taunt) "Stop swaggerin' like you're some tough guy."
• (General taunt) "I'll kill all you sons of bitches!"
• (General taunt) "You think being a lowlife frightens people?"
• (General taunt) "Playtime's over, kid!"
• (General taunt) "It's you or me, friend!"
• (General taunt) "I'm takin' you all down with me!"
• (General taunt) "I'll kill every last one of you!"
• (General taunt) "You know you're gonna die, right?"
• (General taunt) "Friend, have you got a death wish?"
• (General taunt) "Somebody thinks they're the wolf in the pack, don't they?"
• (General taunt) "You should be standing in a field scaring crows."
• (General taunt) "I just saw your mother suckling her young down in that pigsty."
• (General taunt) "None of you are leavin' here alive!"
• (General taunt) "You're as full of wind as a horse with the colic."
• (General taunt) "This is gonna end badly for you."
• (General taunt) "Think you're really somethin', don't you?"
• (General taunt) "I'm gonna give you a chance to kill me, 'cause I'm just that nice."
• (Winning Poker or Liar's Dice) "See? That's how it's done."
• (Winning Poker or Liar's Dice) "Don't be too hard on yourself."
• (Winning Poker or Liar's Dice) "It's only a game, my friend."
• (Winning Poker or Liar's Dice) "And they say gambling don't pay."
• (Winning Poker or Liar's Dice) "I think I'm gonna go spend some of my winnings."
• (Winning Poker or Liar's Dice) "I think we all learned something here today."
• (Losing Poker or Liar's Dice) "This is turning into a bad day."
• (Losing Poker or Liar's Dice) "I don't know why I play this game."
• (Losing Poker or Liar's Dice) "I should walk away before this gets any worse."
• (Losing Poker or Liar's Dice) "Well, that's me out."
• (Losing Poker or Liar's Dice) "That about sums up my luck recently."
• (Losing Poker or Liar's Dice) "It's clearly not my day."

Undead Nightmare

Story

• "Come out! I don't bite. Bad joke."
• "Somethin' funny's goin' on out there!"
• (After killing Drew Macfarlane) "Sorry mister Macfarlane, you were a good man."
• "I've seen husbands eatin' wives, mothers eatin' sons, graves poppin' open and the undead risin' up."
• (To Jack & Abigail after infected) "Probably just a fever"
• (To West Dickens) "The snake oil merchant who cried wolf."
• (To Abigail after she suggests making dinner) "Please, don't. We've had enough dramatics for one day."
• (To an infected Jack & Abigail ) "Jack, be kind to your mother, Abigail, teach the boy right from wrong."
• (When hogtieing Jack) "If you act like a child, I'll treat you like one."
• (When hogtieing Jack) "What the hell's gotten into you?!"
• (When hogtieing Jack) "Maybe this'll teach you how to behave"
• (When hogtying Abigail) "Sorry darling, but its for your own good."
• (When hogtieing Abigail) "Now stay there while I deal with your half-witted son."
• (To Uncle when busts through door) "You're alright, old man? You don't look so good."
• (To Uncle when he attacks Abigail) "Uncle, you dumb son of a bitch, stop!"
• (After shooting Uncle) "Nobody puts their hands on my wife!"
• (After shooting Uncle) "You son-of-a-bitch! After all we've done for you!"
• (After shooting Uncle) "What'd you do to her you sick bastard?!"
• (Talking to Herbert Moon) "Have you ever met a Jewish person?" (Herbert answers: "Thankfully not.") "Or a British Catholic homosexual?"
• (When looting a human) "It is every man for themselves"
• (When looting a human) "Guess I should take it before the Undead do"
• (When looting a human) "Waste not, want not"
• (When looting a human) "Drastic times call for drastic measures"
• (When looting a female) "Times is scarce, lady"
• (When looting a human) "Survival of the fittest right now"
• (When looting a human) "It's either me or... someone eats you"

Fighting Zombies

• "Next time, try not believin' in reincarnation!"
• "You ain't coming back from that!"
• "Please just die, again!"
• "I hope Heaven's better the second time around!"
• "Consider yourself cured!"
• "I don't want a hug!"
• "Is that a beauty spot, or your eyeball hangin' out?"
• "I think you need a doctor."
• "Give the Devil my regards."
• "Hopefully this time you stay dead!"
• "I can honestly say I'm puttin' you out of your misery!"
• "You ain't eating me!"
• "For the love of God!"
• "You need more than a doctor"
• "You keep coming, I'll keep shooting!"
• "I ain't on the menu, you hear?!"
• "Only thing that's gonna cure you is a bullet to the head."
• "You're long past a doctor's visit my friend"
• "Did your momma not teach you it's rude to eat a man's head?"
• "I'll blow your nonexistent brains out!"
• "How many of these freaks do I have to shoot?"
• "Like shooting dumb fish in a big barrel!"
• (Pushing a zombie) "Get this stinkin' corpse away from me!"
• (Pushing a zombie) "Guess what? You ain't eating me!"
• (When fighting zombies in the catacombs) "This is for Uncle!"
• (After shooting a Zombie a few times) "Die, die, DIE!"
• (After killing a bolter) "Quick little fucker."
• (After killing a bolter) "Goodnight you slippery booger!"
• (After killing a bolter) "Human cockroach!"
• (After killing a bolter) " Walk on 2 feet next time!"
• (After killing a bolter) "That oughta slow you down."
• (After killing a bolter) "Slippery bastard!"
• (After killing a bolter) "Are you gonna stop now?"
• (After killing a bolter) "No more of that slippery nonsense"
• (After killing a bruiser) "Big fat freak!"
• (After killing a bruiser) "Goodbye fatty!"
• (After killing a bruiser) "Thank you and goodnight you big, brainless, bastard!"
• (After killing a bruiser) "The bigger they are, the harder they fall!"
• (After killing a bruiser) "Take that you lumbering sack of shit!"
• (After killing a retcher) "Didn't your mom tell you not to spit?"
• (After killing a retcher) "Shit-spitting piece of crap!"
• (After being hit by a retcher's spit attack) "That's just disgusting."
• (After killing an undead animal) "Is there anything that aint infected?"
• (After killing an undead animal) "And stay dead!"
• (After killing an undead animal) "There's a good boy!"
• (After killing an undead animal) "Enjoy your trip BACK to Animal Hell."
• (Pistol Whipping/Rifle Butting a zombie) "I'll smash your empty head in!"
• (Killing Jonah and Eli) "I miss the old times, fellas!"
• (Killing Jonah and Eli) "You never did like me!"
• (Killing Jonah and Eli) "You didn't have a brain between you!"
• (Killing Drew MacFarlane) "Sorry, Mr. MacFarlane. You were a good man."
• (During a grapple execution) "Sorry, but you were getting too intimate for my liking."
• (During a grapple execution) "I DON'T LIKE HUGS!" *Could explain why in RDR he only gives "half hugs" to everyone except family*
• (During a grapple execution) "Let GO!"
• (During a grapple execution) "Damn you!"
• (During a grapple execution) "I told you not to try eating me!"
• (During a grapple execution) "I ain't telling you again!"
• (During a grapple execution) "STOP!"
• (Failing a grapple) "DAMN!!!"
• (Failing a grapple) "NO! NOOOO!"
• (Failing a grapple) "GET OFF ME!!!"
• (Failing a grapple) "NOOOOO!"
• (Failing a grapple) "CHRIST!!"
• (Failing a grapple) "OH SHIT!!!"
• (Failing a grapple) "YOU BIT ME! YOU BASTARD!!!"
• (Failing a grapple) "YOU GOT ME!! YOU SHIT!!!"
• (Failing a grapple) "ABIGAIL, JACK! I LOVE YOU BOTH!!!"
• (Realizing he's out of ammo) "Aw, crap!"
• (Realizing he's out of ammo) "Aw damn, no ammo!"
• (Realizing he's out of ammo) "Not now!"
• (Realizing he's out of ammo) "Now? NOW?! Damn!"
• (Realizing he's out of ammo)"For Christ's sake!"
• (Realizing he's out of ammo) "I'm in trouble now!"

Savepoint Loaded

• "I miss killing my old friends; at least that made sense."
• "I hope I'm gonna wake up soon."
• "Come on, now, snap out of it!"
• "I must be losin' my mind."
• "I deserve this..."
• "This can't be real."
• "Now I'm talking to myself!"
• "Sometimes I think I've been drugged"

Looting Zombies

• (When looting a zombie) "Seth... finally, I have joined you."
• (When looting a zombie) "Seth, you enjoy this?"
• (When looting a zombie) "Seth, I'm sorry for all the insults."
• (When looting a zombie) "Abigail, Jack the things I do for you."
• (When looting a zombie) "Come on...PLEASE don't spit on me."
• (When looting a zombie) "More than happy to rob you as well."
• (When looting a zombie) "I think I looted you the first time you died!"
• (When looting a zombie) "The least I can do after you were trying to eat me"
• (When looting a zombie) "Don't you come alive again now."
• (When looting a zombie) "Apocalypse tax!"
• (When looting a zombie) "You claw at my back, I claw at yours"
• (When looting a zombie) "Ugh..." *said while sounding genuinely sick to his stomach*
• (When looting a zombie) "Abigail, Jack, the things I do for you."
• (When looting a zombie) "Don't you come alive again now."
• (When looting a zombie) "You owe me lady."
• (When looting a zombie) "I think I'm gonna vomit." *said while sounding genuinely sick to his stomach*
• (When looting a zombie) "Seth, I've finally joined you."
• (When looting a zombie) "The Undead are creepy"
• (When looting a zombie) "I knew this was a waste of time!"
• (When looting a zombie) "Shouldn't have tried to bite me, should ya?"
• (After looting a zombie corpse) "Think I looted you the first time you died..."
• (When looting a female zombie) "I'd have been more of a gentleman if you had been more of a lady"
• (When looting a female zombie) "Sorry, miss... about the way things turned out"
• (When looting a female zombie) "Sorry miss, apacalypse tax"
• (When looting a female zombie) "This is for tryin' to kill me, lady"
• (When looting a female zombie) "Ain't much of a lady"
• (When looting an Undead Bear) "Now, this is really low."
• (After an unsuccessful loot) "Damn this shit!"
• (After an unsuccessful loot) "Damn this godforsaken shithole!"
• (After an unsuccessful loot) I knew this was a waste of time (Said with different inflections)
• (After an unsuccessful loot) ' "Damn it to hell."
• (After an unsuccessful loot) "That about sums up my luck recently"
• (After an unsuccessful loot) "I'm beginning to lose my patience!"
• (After an unsuccessful loot) "You're trying my patience!"
• (After an unsuccessful loot) "Useless!"
• (After an unsuccessful loot) "Bullshit!"

Taunting Zombies (Circle or B)

• "Ain't you a barrel of laughs?"
• "You dumb freak!"
• "I've seen fencepost smarter than you!"
• "Even the dead should smell better than that!"
• "You walk funny!"
• "You can't even walk straight!"
• "Try walking straight!"
• "You poor excuse for a corspe!"
• "What's goin' on in that empty head of yours?"
• "You brainless freak of nature!"
• "Why don't I bite you? See how you like it!"
• "You should've stayed in your coffin!"
• "I bet you don't even got the disease!"
• "At least now you fit in!"
• "In many ways, this affliction has improved!"
• "What's that? I can't even understand you!"
• "You're the sorriest sight I ever laid eyes on!"

Other

• "What if there's no cure?"
• "Man, now I'm talking to myself..."
• "The whole world is gone crazy!"
• "Abigail, I've failed you."
• "Oh my good god!"
• "I have lost my damn mind.. I hope"
• "What am I doing here?"
• "Pull it together!"
• "This is madness!"
• "What the hell!?"
• "I shoulda gone to church more..."
• (Walking into under attack settlement) "The world is literally going to hell in a hand basket!" (possible reference to Bill from Left 4 Dead who sometimes says "This is going to Hell in a hand basket real fast!")
• "This is carnage!"
• (Walking into under attack settlement) "This is a living hell!"
• (Walking into under attack settlement) "Whole world gone crazy!"
• (Aiming gun at a human) "How do I know you're not infected?"
• (Aiming gun at a human) "You got the plague friend?"
• (Aiming gun at a human) "Are you sick mister? Show me!"
• (Aiming gun at a human) "Don't annoy me! Or you'll be some corpse's lunch!"
• (Aiming gun at a human) "The undead are the least of your worries friend!"
• (Aiming gun at a human) "How do I know you're safe?"
• (While breaking a horse of the apocalypse) "Got you now freak!"
• (While breaking a horse of the apocalypse) "Devil creature!"
• (While breaking a horse of the apocalypse) "This is some crazy nonsense!"
• (While breaking a horse of the apocalypse) "Goddamn demon!"
• (While breaking a horse of the apocalypse) "This is pure madness!"
• (While breaking a horse of the apocalypse) "Nature sure is messed up!"
• (While breaking a horse of the apocalypse) "What on Earth is wrong with you creature?!"
• (While breaking a horse of the apocalypse) "This is what Hell has brought?!"
• (While breaking a horse of the apocalypse) "These Goddamn creatures!"
• (While breaking a horse of the apocalypse) "What is wrong with you freak?!
• (While breaking a horse of the apocalypse) "Deranged creature!"
• (While breaking a horse of the apocalypse) "Easy now, deranged maniac!"
• (While breaking a horse of the apocalypse) "How'd I get myself into this?!"
• (While breaking a horse of the apocalypse) "I must be out of my mind!"
• (While breaking a horse of the apocalypse) "Whole world's gone crazy!"
• (Greeting) "How's the end of the world treating you?"
• (Greeting) "Glad to see another survivor."
• (Greeting) "You stay away from them zombies, miss."
• (Greeting) "Ain't many of us left, mister."
• (Greeting) "Stay safe, mister."
• (Greeting) "Someone who ain't tryin' to eat me."
• (Greeting) "You're not infected, are you?"
• (Greeting) "You should be locked inside, miss."
• (Greeting) "You take care of yourself, mister. Don't get bit."
• (Greeting) "You keep safe now."
• (Greeting) "Hanging in there, partner?"
• (Obtaining Ammo from chest) "More valuable than gold now!"
• (Greeting) "Try not to get eaten by the undead sir"
• (Greeting) "Good to see someone not spittin' bile"
• (Greeting) "We're alive. That's somethin'"
• (After picking up Semi-Auto Shotgun ) "Looks like Reyes brought some protection with him."

When Playing as Zombie Marston

• "Hi." (Distorted demonically)
• "Thank you." (Distorted demonically)
• Various grunting noises and yelling.